


five times

by arcaea



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Spoilers for Endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-17 08:18:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4659387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arcaea/pseuds/arcaea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had five chances, but he let her down every time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	five times

**Author's Note:**

> I accidentally deleted this oops. also i was pissed as hell that i deleted this so some of this might be sloppy. sorry  
> spoilers for the whole game  
> also this is bad im so sorry i just wanted to get my feelings about this whole romance out. ugh. (i just finished the game ;_;)

The first time, Solas went too far.

He had not expected for the young Inquisitor to had been so bold. He was taken aback by the young Elf's kiss, but he was a fool to return it. He lost himself so easily in the fade, and quickly returned the kiss with the same level as passion. The two elves were clawing for entrance into each other's mouths, and it felt so real to both of them.

The Inquisitor swore she could feel the taste of his lips. It was real to her. The snow didn’t bother her, for the warmth of his body was enough. He held her, and she clung onto him.

But he broke apart from her. He regained his self control, and realized what a mistake this was. It was’t right for her. It wasn’t right for him, either. Solas couldn’t have happiness in the fade, nor in the real world.

And with a snap, the dream was over.

 

 

The second time, Solas made a promise he couldn't keep.

They had not spoken to each other. Solas kept his best to keep his distance, ignoring the Inquisitor's pouting looks. He told himself he could not interfere with her life. He promised himself to stay away. He kept himself at bay, before he found himself needing the help of the very woman he was avoiding.

But his friend’s life depended on it.

Solas had shown weakness, once again. He had shown his rage, his impulsiveness, and now he was hurting. Solas thought he had outgrown his rash days, but it still lingered within him. There was nothing he could do to save his friend. He was suffering, and he showed vulnerability. 

He had lost his greatest friend. He didn't know what to do, and everything he did was out of impulse.

And he turned to support from the very woman he swore to avoid. He showed her a glimpse of his true nature. He showed her a glimpse of his emotions. 

After his rampage, he thought she would've thought him as a monster. As violent, chaotic, and bloodthirsty. But she didn't.

“You don’t have to be alone” she whispered. She looks at him, and she has a look of empathy in her eyes. She wants him to confide in her. She wishes he would just tell her what was truly on his mind. 

Solas believed it. Solas believed she cared. He let himself have some healing, some happiness, even though deep down he knew he didn’t deserve it. 

 

 

The third time, Solas let himself have some peace.

Solas wondered if he had suffered enough. If he had atoned for his crimes already. If he could be allowed to be happy, just this once. If he could be allowed to love a woman such as her.

He found the Inquisitor unique. She had a wisdom unmatched by others, but a soft heart for the suffering. She was ruthless in battle, but soft with her words. She sought for justice, but was merciful. He found himself drawn to her even more everyday. He was in love, he already knew, but he found it harder to break away. He found it harder to ignore her. Solas tried to tell himself he was only attracted because of the anchor, but he knew. He knew she was different.

Their kiss was not forgotten, not by Solas. The awkward tension around them was gone, but Solas found himself longing for more.

Solas had brought the Inquisitor out to the balcony, looking for a reason to make small talk. But he couldn’t ignore the kiss, and it was eventually brought up.

He had hoped the Inquisitor would break it off, crush his heart, so they could both move on. He knew it would be for the best, for both of them. But deep down, he wanted her to return his feelings. Solas found his back turned to her, and he was ready to leave. He didn’t want to hear the words he thought she was going to say.

But she stopped him, tugging his sleeve.

“Don’t leave.”

Solas should’ve left, but he didn’t. He found himself entangled in a kiss once again. She wrapped her hands around him, her back pressed to the balcony. His kisses were soft yet passionate. He found himself wanting for more.

For once, this was real.

They both lost themselves in the moment, again. Solas found his hands in her hair, and he could feel her fingers tracing along his neck. A cold breeze blew past them both, but they could care less. Their kisses continued for a while.

Solas finally broke it apart, and stared down at the Inquisitor for a few brief moments.

“Ar lath ma.” Solas whispered, before quickly turning away. Whatever would come from this, Solas knew it would likely be a mistake.

 

 

The fourth time, Solas told a lie.

For as long as their relationship had lasted, Solas knew it was coming to an end. Solas had forgotten how short time was to the rest of the world. He found himself slowly dreading the final battle, and with each step he knew his happiness would draw to a close.

He didn’t deserve it in the first place. He had manipulated the young girl. He took advantage of her. She was a child, barely considered an adult. He had lied to her. He lied to her about his name, his identity, his true role in all of this.

She deserved to know the truth.

But Solas couldn’t find it within him to tell her. He brought her all the way out to this cove, only to chicken out.

He wanted to tell her the truth about himself. That he was the god who had betrayed her people, who let them crumble. That he was the one who let the orb fall into wrong hands. That he was the one to blame for all of her suffering. But Solas couldn’t do it. She loved him, trusted him, and believed every word he said. She began to see his way of things. She got over his comments about the Dalish, and believed everything he said.

Their love was built on lies.

Everything she loved about him was a lie. She loved his knowledge, she loved his gentle nature, she loved everything about him. But not a single part of it was true.

Solas wondered if she would still love him, if she knew his true name. Solas looked at her, before gulping. He tried to tell the truth about himself, but he makes an excuse.

He tells her about the vallaslin. A mere excuse, he couldn’t bring himself to tell her the truth. It was not a lie, but it was not his original reason to bringing her out there.

She’s taken aback, and he soothes her tears. She learned her whole culture was a lie. If only she knew that Solas was a lie too.

He offers her a chance to wipe the vallaslin away, a way to comfort her. She hesitates, but slowly nods. He hopes this would make her feel better. He hopes he could offer her just some relief before the time came.

Before she truly knew everything.

He wipes her face clean, able to see her natural beauty clearly for the first time. He thinks to himself again, that he doesn’t deserve her. He was an old foolish crumbling god, while she was the face of a movement.

“Ar lasa mala revas. You are free.” He wipes her face, and the marks are gone.

She hugs him, crying briefly in his chest. She digs her nails in his back, clutching him for safety. She’s suffering, and all she can do is cry. He whispers comforting words in her ears, and runs his hand through her hair.

“It will be okay.” Solas says softly. But it was a lie.

All of it was a lie.

She kisses him, and she’s grateful she has him. He’s grateful he has her. But he knows he doesn’t deserve her.

He breaks it apart, with a look of shame in his eyes. The guilt is eating at him. He was the reason she cried, and he was the reason for all of her pain. He didn’t deserve her love. He breaks the kiss off, and realizes he can’t deceive her any longer. There’s a look of guilt and shame in his eyes, as he tells her it was over.

She begs for him to stay, she says she will stay with him no matter what. She loves him, and more tears begin to fall.

But he only shakes his head, before muttering an apology. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

She reaches out for him, but realizes he meant it.

He turns away and slowly leaves, leaving her to her despair.

 

 

The fifth time, Solas didn't even say goodbye.

He meets her eyes, and he hides at the top of the staircase. She turns to talk to him, but her attention is taken. He uses this moment to run.

Like a coward.

She takes his absence hard. Not even the best scouts could trace his scent. No one could catch a wolf. She learns that nothing about him was real. His village, his name, nothing was true. Everything she knew about him was a lie.

Sometimes, she even doubts if he even loved her. But she remembers his final words. "Everything we had was real."

She hopes he wasn't lying that time too.


End file.
